i m dead, asleep, or maybe

Wondering... y so many ppl comment about me that i dun wear dress, skirts, make up or at least be more femine.. be more lady like or blahblahblah... read tos fashion magazines or at least the fashion show... let me tell u y... i hav a phobia of being dress up nicely since i was a kid...

Not being confident of my look? NOOOOOO... I still recall that once my mum registered a beauty competition for me n my sis at a shopping mall(i was around 10++)... (Dun laugh, i was still too naive at tat time) yea, for ur information, me n my sis dress up very nice, like a princess, make up?!! maybe applied a little i 4got.. haha, the experience was like"no more nex tym!!!" since my mum din tell us wat to do lik giving wat pose or watever... yea.. but tis s not the main part.. juz rite after the competition, not waiting for the result out, me n my sis were rushed to our piano lesson. The place wher i used to play piano was "karajan"(not sure abot the name since the place was gone). Here come the main part.. there used to be a Malay worker ther n other music teachers. Just as I entered the door, that guy kept staring at me-maybe i was too rushed until my mum dun wan to change my clothes n wash out my make up n i still put on the dress- it made me feel so uncomfortable n awkward.. n He even told me he wana married me when i grew up in front of the other music teachers... This was the worst part... i was stunned n my face blushed red... NO WAY WOULD I MARRY A MALAY GUY... AHHHHHHHHHHHH.. (U know la.. Kids who r too naive enuf will take tos kind of thing seriously, maybe u WERE not but i was) hahahaa... so from tat day onwards, i ll make sure that i wear boyishly(no more skirt or dress for me especially going to the piano class) so that i wont get tos weird attention...

n the 2nd reason was... maybe i should thank 1 of my cousins for turning me lik that.. My mum n dad used to be very busy wiv their business when i was a kid, they used to rush here n ther between papar n penampang(my old house).. N then my sis n I were left to a relative's hs wher mos of my chilhood's memory was contributed. My childhood frenz? yea, my 2 cousins, a boy who s 1 yr older than me n a little girl who s now 16. I used to fight wiv the boy, not because i was born to, but i had to defence for myself n ... my sis?! He owez gave me a hard time n i hate him so much but he owez take good care of that little gal(so unfair!!! )... so it turned out lik i hav to be more strong n tough n fierce!!(haha, if u were same class wiv me in primary 4, i was like a lion n i would bite u every single tym... haha)

It makes no point for me to dress up nicely.. sumtimes i was like asking myself, was I an idiot in getting the right outfit for myself.. If i am going to a very important function, i will like losing myself in a shopping mall... OMG, wic 1 should i choose, should i wear tis, should i wear that? n the one who acc me to shopping wiv me will end up lik getting frustrated...it owez ended up borrowing sum skirts or clothes wiv my not-willing-to-share-the-wardrobe sis.... haiz... if u got the chance 2 visit my wardrobe, dun be surprise that u only found mostly T-shirt n shorts.. my mum n my sis are born to getting the right outfit for themselves.. ME? i will probably hire a style consultant lo.. haha.. last tym, i went to a fren's party.. all the girls dressed up so nicely until i had to find a corner to sit n pretend that i was not in their group.. Peer pressure.. yea, i will admit that i was quite jealous lorrrr.. but.. honestly, i m too dumb in fashion thing.

so next tym dun ever tease me wiv tat dumb question "U r a gal, how come u dun know how to dress up?" i know u r reading my blog now.. i wrote tis on purpose... hehe... hope tat tym will change..